Writing by an Intellectual Schizophrenic

by | May 10, 2023 | Essays, Essays to Myself

Intellectual Schizophrenia – that’s how I’d describe my writing style. I tend to write through a random stream of consciousness – with phrases and ideas coming at me so fast it’s hard to keep up. I type so fast to try to stem the tide of incoming ideas that the computer screen is quickly filled with red underlines, signaling a bevy of misspelled words borne through an all out assault on my keyboard. This process often yields so many redlines and errantly placed letters that I have to pause to translate what I was trying to type, deciphering strange arrays of letters that make little sense at first glance. Reading the page aloud phonetically sounds like an incoherent babble.
To make matters worse, I often write akin to how ADHD presents – with ideas coming to me in clumps, unrelated fragments and entirely out of order. Thus, after cleaning up the red underlines that litter the page, I begin the process of reading and rereading each paragraph to rearrange them into a cohesive order. This process is slow as I reinterpret what has spilled out of my head and onto the virtual page, but this typically reignites the creative process and the cycle starts again – with higher or lower ordered ideas springing up that require sorting and placement as the essay takes shape from the half garbled Ideas of a madman into structure, theme and logic.

Recently, I have also been focusing on writing in a more conversational tone in the hopes the message will better resonate with a broader set of readers. This has become more important of late, as I write mainly about men reclaiming their lives through their unique purpose, and to do this effectively, I often must introduce painful truths to awaken men from their living slumber.

These are the kind of big ticket truths that will never evoke a tepid or moderate response. Men will either see the truth and run from it – afraid to face it and what it means in their lives – or, men will run to the truth to embrace it in changing their lives forever. Those men that simply acknowledge the truth as if it were an acquaintance on the street at rush hour demonstrate that they really don’t understand its weight. Thus, writing conversationally is intentional – to help men with an acceptance of the ugly truth that we must all take a long hard look at ourselves with the implied understanding that we might not like what we see. I certainly didn’t when I went through this process. But, I digress.

Final edits are the toughest. I carefully comb the essay to identify gaps between the assumptive knowledge (the ideas I fail to describe in the logic chain, because I assume the reader “knows” what I am thinking) I’ve embedded in the essay and the actual words on the page. I focus on the logic chain and stretch myself to ensure I haven’t left any idea undeveloped as a hangover from my assumptive knowledge – This is the most challenging part of writing for me, like a recovering schizophrenic slowly discovering the flaws in his thinking or worldview.

My essays tend to marinate, with a series of final edits taking place over the course of three to four days – new and better language and insights emerge as I take time to reflect. Eventually, I read the essay for the final time, and sense it’s time to publish. I say a prayer that what I have written will help someone – and with that, I release my essay into the seemingly endless corridors of the internet, where what was once a jumbled and incoherent set of thoughts and ideas has transformed into something that just might help other madmen to transform into something new and better.

I hope my writing helps you. It seems over the years I’ve become an expert in making mistakes and seeking out the lessons I should have learned to avoid them in the first place. Perhaps I’ve developed a kind of expertise – the kind no one wants to admit to, the kind marked by failure after failure and mistake after mistake.

Whatever the case, I write to remind myself of the lessons I’ve learned – and to offer you support in carving out your path in this life.

I hope to be of service to you, and I hope to see in the digital space of CONQUER CULTURE very soon.

Other essay on stories…

Those that run from truth will powerfully protect their stories and reject the reality of truth, because their self esteem and identity are tied up in the stories they tell themselves – but self worth and an identity built upon stories can only bring about three results: (1) denial followed by the fragility that can only come from a life constructed around stories made out of a proverbial house of cards, and a hostility (anger in action) that can only come from the fear of what they might find if they confront the stories that dominate and hijack their life’s purpose and meaning. (2) An ambivelence I know. I faced these same crossroads in my life and had to choose. Ironically, what started as writing for myself has taken on a new and broader meaning. Self help writing for me has become self help for whoever can benefit from consuming it.

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